International Day of the Midwife 5K Walk: Why We are Walking

International Day of the Midwife 5K Walk: Why We are Walking: "We are walking because...It is International Day of the Midwife and one of the most appropriate days to highlight that over 340,000 women an..."

A Woman's Heart

     There is a constant pull on my heart between the life I lead as a woman, mother, and wife.  My duties stretched between husband and grandparents.  As I work with women in this rural setting I see that I'm not alone in this trivial divide between finding a healthy balance in the choices I make.  I realize that even though their choices may be different, we are all one in the same.  Still making our way with or without the support of those who we call family.  I don't ever remember having a conversation with my mother about the hard choices she has had to make on our behalf, nor did she ever tell me how hard it would be to make those choices for my family.  It seems as caretakers of our families and of our own minds and hearts there is a point where our future is decided for us by our circumstances or we are able to make those decisions for ourselves.  Either way, there is a pull to do what is right for our families and the decision is never easy.
     Is this what it means to be a mother? A woman?..... To always be torn between what is right for us or our families?  It seems we are not brought up to take our own voices seriously.  Do I count?  Do you hear me?  Why I am I selfish to want this?  Your more important then I am.....This is what I hear in my conversations with women.  They don't say it out loud, but it if you really listen its in her posture, her tone, her eyes, and how she asks a question or the questions she does not ask.  What a gift it is to find trust in a stranger who actually listens.  I'm not saying they aren't strong, because by all means I believe ALL women are strong, they would have to be.  To put her dreams aside to care for a dying mother,   to stay with a man who beats her so her kids will have a roof over their heads, to chose a career of helping other women even though it will take her away from her own family.   All the while being judged by other women making similar choices and perhaps their choice was different, to leave the man who beat her, choosing her family over a career, not putting her dreams aside to care for her dying mother.   I wonder why we as women must make it harder for each other by making comments full of judgement rather then understanding each decision we make is a difficult one.  Whether we show it or not.
   Each woman walks her own path making many decisions along the way. All the while wondering if it is the right one or knowing with all her being that it is the right one.  Some like the sound of their own voices and are not afraid to be heard, while others are still getting used to hearing the sounds of their own voices............I just know that my voice is all I've got to tell my truths... that is if anyone is listening.......