Vision

      It still feels unreal to me that I am finished with school and now have exponential free time to ponder where this path will lead me next.  Let me tell you, I've given serious thought to returning to school for my Family Nurse Practitioner degree, but I've sense fallen into a state of relaxation and stillness that the thought of returning to a stressful state is not something I want to dive into right now.  I'm not saying I will never return to school, because getting my Family Nurse Practitioner degree is very appealing and will be very helpful in the future.  However, it seems right now I am regaining a sense of equilibrium with my family.  I actually have time to reflect on the past two years and how I've grown as an individual.  I feel, for once in my life I know what kind of mother I want to be and what direction I want our family to grow in.  I finally feel like I've found my voice.  This for me is something I've struggled with, because I've been the woman who has accepted other peoples opinions of me and taken them to heart.  I've allowed my fear of other people's ideas of me to keep me from achieving my goals and being the woman I know I am.  I've basically not been true to myself and have allowed people to put my inner light in a box.  

        I truly feel like anything is possible if you trust in your own abilities to achieve them.  I can say that my reasons for becoming a Midwife remain and if anything my desire to serve women in my community has strengthened.  I feel like this poem really reflects how I felt when I decided to return to school.   

and the time came

when the risk it took to remain

in a tightly closed bud
became infinitely more painful

than the risk it took to blossom.”

- Anais Nin

      It is very easy to rationalize with yourself as to why you should not grow in a certain direction and you will probably have people in your life who will agree with you that to take a certain path would be risky and detrimental to all who love you, but are they really looking out for you?  Everyones personal goals are different and most of the time those people who are warning you not to take this major step in your life have themselves chosen not to take their own path of growth.  

       The path that I now find myself on is navigating the varies employment options.  Because of the location of our home and the type of environment we want our children to grow up in, I am faced with the creating a place for me to work.  Surprisingly, this actually is exciting.  Being a midwife comes with many obstacles, but it also comes with many opportunities to be creative.  This just happens to be an area I flourish in.  Like many artists,   I am imagining my work of art on my canvas before I've even started to paint, but my ideas will soon take shape.  This is only the beginning......