Comfort Measures

     I am always amazed at how we as individuals cope with stress, pain, or any influential changes in our lives.  Even as I go through this program I feel my self changing, my mind being shaped to think a certain way and address situations with a certain tactfulness.  It would seem that this "transition" occurs for everyone and if we are lucky we have support from our families and friends to get us through this time of transition.  What I find most challenging is dealing with the personal struggles outside of the classroom while needing to maintain focus in the classroom. I didn't realize it, but this too is part of the lesson.
     For some this balancing act is not an issue, but if we are really being truthful, it is every ones issue.  We just have different ways of coping with the underlying stress. Up to this point I've felt pretty confident in my ability to cope with just about anything.  So far, I've been doing pretty well...but I can start to feel the heat rising around me. Now, I realize that it was rather silly of me to assume that my unpredictable life would suddenly become predictable while I was transitioning into this new role.  Life continues all around me, it only seems to slow down when I'm sitting in the classroom learning about labor support and the triple descent gradient.  Its during these times I think to myself..now..really..now....this had to happen now when I'm the most vulnerable and full of stress because I have all this information to remember.  Then I begin to tell myself okay Nicolle you can handle this, no need to go into crises mode.  Let me tell ya..there has been many tears shed thus far and I'm not the only one crying.  I'd like to think that my tears have been part of the release valve for all the pressure that has been slowly building inside of me.  The pressure that wakes me up at night worrying about who is going to watch my kids the next day while I'm in class or when my husband is away on travel.  That same pressure that is also building from seeing my extended family go through hard times and I can't be there to hold their hand.  That same pressure that I feel when all I can do is study while I feel silent guilt for my husband taking on all my duties because I no longer have the time to perform them. At the same time I new this was coming, but I just didn't know when. 
       How do I cope with all of this pressure?...well aside from crying.  I talk.  I talk to the Creator, I talk to my husband, I talk to myself, I talk to my grandmothers who passed away when I was a little girl, I talk to my mother....the important thing is I let it out and I move on.  I may not have control of some of these situations, but I do have some control over how I will handle them.  I have to give myself some slack...you are not perfect. I have to remind myself that it's my imperfections that make me unique and special in my own way.  See, it may seem like I pride myself on my perfections, but really I pride myself on my imperfections.  It is in my imperfections that I've been able to connect with people.  Some might think that showing weakness is well...weak.  But I disagree, is it not when you are down that you find out who your real support is? They are usually the ones handing you the tissue, eating the extra large piece of cake for comfort with you, or holding your hand when you get some terrible news.  I know this is only the beginning....but I am beginning to get the picture.