It Is My Culture I take With Me

I am always in need of a humbling experience. Sometimes these moments are a breath of fresh air, other times they are a slap in the face, metaphorically speaking. I mean what does it really take for someone to take the first steps toward change. I know we are all experiencing some level of change within ourselves or within our families, but when does it become bigger then ourselves? I find these humbling experiences keep me grounded and help me reflect on why I’m even on this journey to begin with. Aside from bringing my bicultural view to the table, I feel the need to bridge the cultural gap between the western society and those that are more traditional in their beliefs. I realize it would be rather arrogant of me to think that I alone can do this, because I can’t, but with the help of my ancestors it is always a possibility.


I know thus far I haven’t talked much about my cultural heritage, but never the less I find it in bedded in everything I do. From walking in the hall and not making eye contact with those in passing, to feeling embarrassed when I feel myself thinking of “self” and not “others.” You see no matter how far off my reservation I may be living or how assimilated I may seem, deep down I still have Navajo roots. When I go home to visit my family it is still very much a humbling experience for me. Many families depend on the annual fair to sell their summer crops and it is not uncommon to find the best mutton sandwich at a roadside shack selling food. It is a humbling experience for me because, I speak very little Navajo and I chose to move away from home to learn the western cultural ways instead of living at home to learn my own culture. Even though this is what my parents wanted for me, I find it a difficult task even now.

I feel many of the issues that young Native Americans face today are centered in the loss of identity. It is a well known fact that alcoholism has plagued our reservations, but so has sexually transmitted infections, suicide, sexual and physical abuse…..and the list goes on and on. Honestly, I can count myself as one of the lost individuals at one point in time. It is only within the last couple of years that I’ve fully identified myself as being Navajo and have fully learned my clan. I find myself wanting to wake up every morning before the sun comes up to say my prayer of thanks with my corn pollen. Even though I do my best to identify with my ancestors and their teachings I still feel a sense of loss. I feel the loss of my culture and its many traditional teachings, some of those important teachings that I missed out on and now have to gather and piece together for myself.

All this I carry with me on my journey. I don't think I'm alone here, because I know there are many students getting a higher education who are having similar experiences and it may be something they talk about or have decided to keep to themselves.  However, I don't think there can be any cultural awareness in the western society if we don't talk about what is happening.  I also realize what I'm feeling and experiencing are "my" experiences, but at least you are getting a perspective instead of making up one.