Parallels

     While reading research for my Masters exam, I have found some interesting parallels between how to care for older couples in their home setting and caring for women in a clinical setting.  The study was qualitative exploration of the home care experience.  Obviously this is perhaps an odd correlation of themes, but yet should be applied to the care of all.  Those of us living in the context of" meaning well" when we help others when at times this idea of "meaning well" can have detrimental effects on the one you are trying to help. I think as human beings we have a need to feel "independent" and perfectly capable of taking care of "self."  At which the act of giving and receiving help is tricky.  Case in point: I am a terrible speller, I may joke about it, but seriously it is something that is a soft spot for me.  My wonderful and amazing professor took it upon herself to help me correct my spelling draw backs, but I was completely put out by it.  I mean it really bothered me.  I finally told her, "No thank-you, I will ask for help when I need it."  She very kindly accepted my need for independence on this one, but I also realized my need for independence affected my sense of self.  Yes, she is my professor and very knowledgeable in her right, but I didn't trust her yet to accept her help.
     I think this can be expanded to the women and families we care for in a clinical setting.  What may be going on with them medically or naturally can be something out of their control.  They first have to process and accept their situation for what ever loss of independence they may be experiencing.  This is a big deal!  For some this adjustment takes time and the bond we are seeking to make with them is highly dependent on the kind of relationship we want to have with them. The clients themselves have expectations of us, as we have of them, but how are we going to build the trusting relationship with them?  I think this article had it right when stating that first impressions are vital, but so is developing mutually acceptable relationships by really being invested in their ideas of what they value as safe and trustworthy.
     Another parallel I found interesting and important is that both spouses should be viewed as clients participating in their own overall well being.  In the end, we as providers and caretakers of our communities promote this idea, but more importantly its the relationships we gain from these interactions that is the promoter.  One of the major themes that came out of this article that struck a cord with me is this...."Women are viewed as the gatekeepers of the household and its inhabitants." I know most women would agree with this, because it is something that this article found to be vital in gaining the trust of its participants for the study.
     I am sure that the concepts I have brought to your attention are not new ones, but it is a nice reminder for me when I am working with women in the clinic, hospital, or even with friends and family.  I know trust is a big deal to me, I also know that it also has a different meaning for each and everyone of us.  I think that is why I find comfort in exploring these topics from my experiences as a student.  Our paths, our experiences are all varied and individual.  What we gain from them is also very individual.  I think the more I explore our many complex relationships with each other and ourselves the harder it is for me to define "self." Because "self" is ever evolving with each experience.